Friday, 8 April 2011

7 minutes of self-evaluation

Well 8 really. Whoops. (Orc free enviroment thankfully).

I had 7 minutes to impress at the student union so I edited down some of my favourite bits and stuck them in a row.

Johnny McCarthy caught it on his iphone for me. Thanks Johnny!

I've been going through it spotting all my gaffs (there are quite a few!) and was wondering if it would be terribly egomaniacaltistic of me to do a second by second review of it. Probably, but it's what I've done anyhow.

Firstly here's the vid, I do a couple of swears at the start and tell an unsuitable joke near the end so don't watch it if you're under 15:

I'm going to do the times with the review so if you so wish you can follow the commentary as it happens but I'd watch the lot first anyhow.

0:00-0:20 There's Colin Murphy! There's the Jackson 5! There's me pishing about with a mic stand. Smooth Georgio!
Why the Jackson 5? Not my choice but I did write a funny gag about being introduced to the sound of the Jacksons. Unfortunately I wrote it on the way home from that gig so you won't be seeing it here. I can moonwalk aswell. Should've done a moonwalk.

0:20-0:32 I don't know why I swore there. I've realised recently that it wouldn't be hard to do my act without swearing. It doesn't really do much for my particular personna. I met a comedian in London who was suspicious of comedians who don't swear. I haven't a hidden agenda I'm just not that kind of act, I suppose. Angry people swear. I don't do an angry act. I do like a lot of comedians who swear, it suits some people.

The tall stage joke was lame. I thought it up before I went on and decided mid-saying it that the bald head joke was old. I'm not sure if it is but similair gags have definitely been made, it was definitely hacky and I kind of lost faith in it while I was saying it. There was more but I cut loose.

0:32-0:43 I've done that bit before. It works sometimes. A little pretend piece of audience interaction coupled with the obligatory self-reference. That's my second and final swear there. I don't mind that one as much as it is not me saying it but the supposed thoughts of a fictional audience member. If anybody buys that...

0:43-1:10 The balloon blowing stuff is supposed to be slightly awkward. I've seen a magician do this trick with a pre-inflated balloon. I think blowing up the balloon adds tension. I've a couple of whimsical remarks while I do it just to keep them happy but I know there'll be a big pay off coming. I'm hoping some may even think that my genuine awkwardness earlier on is me hamming it up and leading them on. It wasn't.

1:10-1:30 "Screwdriver" is supposed to be lame. Honest! Sometimes it gets a wee titter though. There it is! The production could've been smoother and that's not the best angle it was filmed from there. Pity. Noone seems to care though.

1:30-1:35 See?

1:35-1:40 This is me thinking I'm a superstar while conveniently forgetting the fact that they're all actually just cheering a beverage. Go monks!

1:40-1:57 Ha I said Lurgan. That's true about the champagne though. That's all magicians seem to produce. I don't know why. Probably to send out some kind of message about how refined they are. 'Look at me I wear a waistcoat and drink champagne I'm a classy act.' Well done you!
I've never heard of anyone doing a buckfast production. It seems an absolute no brainer really. I wouldn't have got that reaction from champers. Maybe if I did it at Ascot, but that seems unlikely to happen.
The only thing I've ever seen produced apart from champagne was wine. Just normal table wine. That looked quite pathetic. Ta dah! An adequate but sensible beverage to serve on Sundays!

1:57-2:03 I made that joke up the night before just before I hit the hay. I wrote it on an envelope and left it facing me in front of the bedroom door. "Slogan" was the word I needed there, still got a chuckle anyhow.

2:03-2:30 Very twittery and mumbly, if one can be both at the same time. I kind of blew the giving someone a drink bit. Colin Murphy said I should give someone a drink to prove it's real. I think it could've been fun if I'd made them down it or something but I was getting bored of the buckfast at that point.

2:30-2:32 That's me pressing a button on my watch and helpfully adding "I'll just press this"
I have a watch that vibrates after a countdown. So it's always set to go off 1 minute before the end of a set. However of the 20 or so times I have worn it on stage guess how many times I have remembered to press it before I went on.
Go on guess.
No, it's never.
Not once.
I'm pressing it there but I have no idea how long I've done. I look at my watch a couple of more times later while guessing times and doing frantic maths. (Everytime I look at my watch know that I am confused)

2:32-4:11`Accent to spide. I've been doing that bit for a long time so I've no idea why I stumbled over the second half of the accent bit. I might cut that tagline there. The accent joke seems to go down better as a quick bit. The spide jokes work well there. I cut down the ferrero rocher bit quite a bit. I think they would've gone for the full length version. Definitely. But I wanted to fit more stuff in so I editted it out for that gig. I actually cut out my favourite bit of that routine since it didn't sit in a shorter piece.

4:11-5:14 You can't see what's going on there can you? I have this picture on my t-shirt:

Well actually I have the picture on that t-shirt on my t-shirt, I should say, in case you think that I have a t-shirt with a picture of a t-shirt with that picture on it, on it. You didn't? Oh fine carry on.

Anyhow that's what I am playing about with. My girlfriend saw me practising this joke and told me I shouldn't do it because it was stupid and puerile. It is, but obviously I didn't view that as a good reason for not doing it...

5:14-5:34 Thought that bit up in the afternoon. I came up with the bus line the day before too.

5:34-6:37 Came up with the Black Swan joke after seeing Black Swan. It's starting to get old now. Might give it another blast when it comes out on dvd and a final fairwell on the first tv showing. I'm holding out for Black Swan 2. Adam Laughlin added the dog line. I'd've got there eventually... I like the weird noise I made that time after doing the dog bit. I'll keep that in. Funnily enough that's the rudest part of my set but it doesn't have any swear words. I like that. I should've written saucy postcards in the 1950s.

6:37-end That's an idea I had recently for the fire wallet. I tried it once in the Pav and it got a reaction out of them when they where half asleep so I knew it would go down well in a bigger club. Although the fork from wallet got more of a reaction in a smaller venue. I like it. Don't know if I'll keep the game part of it though.

I've just noticed that I said "My Motto is Brie Prepared" so anyone awaiting some cheesed-based ending to that trick, apologies.


  1. Also, I didn't mention my biggest mistake which will make all the magicians cringe but I didn't want to make things worse by pointing it out. On an entirely different note I think I should get rid of my mobile phone holder it looks daft.

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